I think I won the penis lottery.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
