I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
