I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
