lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
