Screwed.edu
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
How's work?
Spinning.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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