last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
