I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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