I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
