I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
