i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
