Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
