found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
