yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
