...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
