Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
even my farts smell like vagina
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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