Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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