An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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