I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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