I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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