I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
