i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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