So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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