Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
