I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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