then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
