Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
