whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
