Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
50% drunk capacity currently
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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