Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
