Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
