She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
