Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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