ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
