Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
