if i can run in heels then i can drive
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
