dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
