the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
