i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
