it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
