Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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