'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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