I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
this will be a night to untag.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
