Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
