Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
