1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
is wine microwaveable?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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