This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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