I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
