She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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