I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
