a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
