6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
