apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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