Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
