Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
