I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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